2nd day off meds (effexor 150mg) I do not recommend this drug to anyone I should have listened to Gwynne when she said she had reactions. I have not functioned for what I think is the last month since starting these meds. I can't sleep at all at night anymore for fear of nightmares' and why it's the "David show 24/7" is beyond me but if I do sleep I wake up crying - bad sign. The last 2 weeks I have either been crying, MAD as all hell and simply nauseas all day long so much so that in the last month since my visit with DOC I have lost 15 lbs - not bad I say but hell what a mess my diabetes must be and I cant even find my test kit to check. I am so overwhelmed with the simplest little task that I am driving myself crazy. I paid for a crop today with Erienne and Michelle from 4pm -9pm in that amount of time I managed only to get 1 page done and manage to do some cut outs - not good since my "usual" rate is about 3-5 pages in a 4 hour time span. Michelle kept asking if I was ok and I must have been acting funny or something because everytime she asked I was dizzy (maybe not really listening either to the conversation because that was overwhelming also). I finally started feeling faint and asked what time it was and could not believe it was 8:30pm when the last time I ate a piece of food was a dollar cone at McDonalds at 3:30pm only having a jelly sandwhich and gram crackers for breakfast - okay so that was stupid on my part being a sound Diabetic and all I should have been on the floor, what was keeping me upright I still dont know. We then left and went to Bugaboo because I could only drive (really shouldn't have) about 500 feet. We got in and I managed to get thru soup,bread, 2 bites of salad, 2 d.pepsi and then the meal london broil and smashed potatoes with mushrooms, Michelle helped me eat everything because they only did appetizers to get me to actually eat, then my head was swimming and fuzzy around the edges again and had to run to the bathroom before my bowels exploded (yet another reaction - Diarrhea) the i come home only to find out Michael's contact with Aramark has come to and end in 2 weeks leaving him with out a job - whooooaaaaaa hello stress - with us trying to book tickets to Florida to go see his Grandparents for their 60th wedding anniversary and family reunion in Clearwater (Yet another zinger guess where David lives now - yesssireeee folk's you guessed it Clearwater same Flipping town I am going ot be in for 4 days. So I thought in the shower tongiht maybe I should just suck it up call him and confront him (so I lost it and got sick in the shower - so much for that thought)

So I guess getting re-evaluted on the 19th with a new (WOMAN) Phsycharitrist (CSFS) is going to be a good thing. The new meds the DOC gave me to start 2 days after my Reval is actually a TRI- Class drug and was used for sedation back in time (THIS I DONT NEED OR WANT) so at the reval I will ask for something alittle less sedating and more functioning.

OK enough babble for now - just wanted to get this down somewhere - can I tell you I can't pick up a pen to write at all and havent written anything from Prose to journaling since at least Jan. Now that just sucks - that's never happened before, that's usually the first place I go to.

PS - if anyone reads this - Do you have a paid LJ account and is it worth it? I am contimplating a paid account if I can't pick the dam pen up - maybe typing is the way to go. AND is anyone else on DeviantArt (Other than Kissiah *waves* that I can add you to my starting account there too? Anyone like thier pD account at Deviant better than LJ? Just wondering since I can make a dam decision right now for myself!